Oh Help. Oh Help. Oh Help. Disordered Ramblings on Martial Prowess.

 The world´s most magnificent budget got run out of Nam …The same  highly-trained martial codpiece got run out of Lebanon with 241 Marines dead,  run out of Mogadishu by teenagers with armed pickup trucks, performed a comedy  routine trying to rescue hostages in Tehran, lost in Iraq, and works diligently  at losing in Afghanistan. Not too much bang for the buck, I´d say, or for the  doe either.

Meantime China is doing exactly the same thing to the uSSA that it did to the old USSR. — jtl, 419

By Fred Reed via Fred on Everything

As a student  of abnormal psychology, or psychology that ought to be abnormal but lamentably  is not, I´m listening to PJ O´Rourke´s Peace  Kills,  on American foreign policy. I  enjoy exploring  the isolation wards of the human asylum. It is like  visiting remote Pacific islands to see the savages gnashing their teeth and  waving the obsidian swords of dimwit ideology: O´Rourke, Rachel Madow,  Limbaugh, Michael Moore, Al and Jesse, and the garbage plains of feminism.   From  this I derive a pleasant sense of the hopelessness of man.

I think PJ  needs his head examined, as regards military policy anyway, which is pretty much  the only foreign policy we have.

If I may  digress slightly: In defense of O´Rourke I will say that he is known as an  amiable drunk, and in fact so describes himself. This is to be commended. In a  PC world, it shows independence of spirit. Further, a man who relies on  sobriety to be able to think is an intellectual weakling. The condition is overrated. Should PJ one day  lurch through the door of Tom´s Bar, I´ll buy. I do not refuse fellowship  merely because its possessor´s politics will likely lead to mass murder,  re-runs of Oprah, and local destsruction of the solar system. Tom has some  tables large enough for two to fit beneath.

Like so many  of our parlor ferocities at National Reivew (PJ is not one of these, being an actual overseas correspondent), he  believes that America is an international Charles Atlas, a motingator,  astonishous, gleaming military monster such as the world has never seen (and  didn´t ask to, but never mind). This is because he equates military expenditure  with martial capacity. He refers proudly to the size of the military budget. He doesn´t seem to realize that in matters of size an implant may be involved.

He doesn´t  understand the American military—that it is in the position of one of those  toothy late-Cretaceous humongo-lizards, Tyrano-whatsit or something, uneasily  eyeing a thin film of ice forming on the home swamp. “Something is happening,”  thinks the big fellow. “I wonder what? Will I like it? Can  dinosaurs wear sweaters?”

In the case  of Orourkasaurus oenophagus, I am taxonomically puzzled. There were two types  of dinosaur, the saurischians and the ornithiscians. It has to do with their  pelvises, which mercifully we will not contemplate in the case of PJ. (I told you this would be disordered.) He seems  to be a hybrid, perhaps due to a decline in morals in the later stages of  extinction. We see the same thing in the US. His instincts are saurian, which  is normal in foreign policy as usually practiced, but he is cerebrally  ornithiscian. So is the Pentagon, which is why this matters.

See, you  gotta understand the ice on the swamp, and what it means. When you need a  sweater, you need a sweater, and not some other thing. The Pentagon has the  wrong things. It is glorious and glitters and has many buttons and screens. It  is just the wrong military.

The great  Chinese strategist Fred Tzu once said, “Never use a broadsword to fight a swarm  of pissed-off hornets.”  Exactly. You  have to understand the enemy. Otherwise you are in trouble and can´t understand  why. If you are a behind-the-times sort of dinosaur, the rats are going to eat  your eggs. If you are an American infantry battalion, sneaky little guys behind  rocks are gonna blow hell out of your up-armored Humvee with the revolving IR  heads. Trust me.

You have to  understand the enemy. Another classic military mind, the Prussian genius Carl  von Fredwitz, said, “Let the other dumb sumbitch spend hisself into the dirt,  and then tear his throat out, or just buy him.” It´s what China is doing. Americans   make war, and the Chinese make  money.  We spend wildly on an outdated  military that couldn´t beat a tin drum if it was smoking Gunter´s best grass.

Think about  it, PJ. I´m serious. The world´s most magnificent budget got run out of Nam  like a scalded dog, yelling that actually, really, I mean honest, we really really won, shriek.

Not so´s  you´d notice.

The same  highly-trained martial codpiece got run out of Lebanon with 241 Marines dead,  run out of Mogadishu by teenagers with armed pickup trucks, performed a comedy  routine trying to rescue hostages in Tehran, lost in Iraq, and works diligently  at losing in Afghanistan. Not too much bang for the buck, I´d say, or for the  doe either.

China, him  no say nothing. Just make money.

See, PJ, the  American military is like a dentist trying to drill teeth with a petroleum  platform. It´s the wrong tool.   Multibillion dollar ratpacks of hugely expensive fighter planes are  splendid fun, and say “Varoooooom!” Good  stuff, that. They really are the best in the world, and nothing can stay in the  sky with them.

Ah, but they  are fighters with nothing to fight. The Pentagon’s problem is Ahmet the Wiley Wog  who hides behind a rock with his RPG and keeps blowing up trucks full of GIs.  Ahmet isn´t too flashy. He doesn´t have a conformal phased-array radar and  isn´t supersonic. But he has clanking brass balls and wads of determination Oops.

And that´s  the story of our whole military shebang: gaudy but mostly irrelevant. North  Korea does something that upsets Washington´s digestion, so we send the  aircraft carriers. These float fiercely offshore, doing nothing, because there  is nothing they can do. They either (a) attack, risking all-out war on the  Peninsula, not a particularly bright idea since Pyongyang has all the artillery  in the world within range of Seoul, or (b) float in puzzlement and circles  while North Korea ignores them. See? Wrong tool. Washington hasn´t figured this  out, so it always sends the bathtub toys.

China, he no  fight. Sell stuff.

Current  Pentagonal thinking, if that is quite the word I want, is to impose Full  Speculum Dominance, I believe it´s called, and control the world. A Full  Speculum is full of very pricey fighters of little military use, marvelous  warships of little military use, and glorious tanks of little military use. They cheifly serve to get us in trouble in places where we shouldn´t be in the first place. (Pesky  military historians note that World War Two ended 68 years ago, but apparently  the Pentagon thinks it might come back. Perhaps it is in hiding somewhere.)

Our global  strategy is to surround Russia with military bases and missiles, and similarly to  surround Iran and China. This latter is like an aging bull terrier trying to  surround a frisky Rottweiler pup that is reaching puberty. The portents are sub-optimal.  Anyway, when you have surrounded China, what does it buy you? Given our sorry record  against several thousands of annoyed peasants in the bush world, do we figure to land  at Shanghai and take on a billion Han Chinese?   What could be a better idea?

Now, they  say that money isn´t everything. Oh yes it is. And it is what America doesn´t  have so much of any more. All those zoom-wowees and whizz-kerblams cost moolah.  The days when the US could afford high wages and fun wars and a vast military  all at once, them days is over. Oh. Ver. The jobs went to Asia and Mexico,  unemployment runs way high, everybody is on food stamps or welfare, the  standard of living falls, infrastructure rots, everybody is getting edgy and  hates everybody else, and the military budget grows like kudzu on a Georgia  road-cut. Hoo-boy. Think of an aging wrestler with a withered leg and padded  jockstrap going into a biker bar and saying, “I can whip any bozo in the  joint.”

Uh, yeah.

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3 Responses to Oh Help. Oh Help. Oh Help. Disordered Ramblings on Martial Prowess.

  1. Jeffrey Hardin says:

    Reblogged this on Jericho777's Blog.

    Like

  2. Pingback: Leadership: Generals, PC, and Strategy | nebraskaenergyobserver

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